Open Letter To Tollway Drivers

If you are going to drive on my tollway, and not use iPass, please have your money ready to throw into the basket, and not stopping to look for extra nickels. Also, pretending you are throwing money and driving off makes you look like an idiot. Just go online and pay. It’s not rocket science. You don’t want big brother tracking you, I get it, but for Cthulhus’ sake, don’t be an ass and hold up the rest of progress because you can’t find two dimes in a cup holder you haven’t cleaned since last Lent. You remember that McFish purchase you regretted and you refuse to leave your hard change for the Ronald McDonald House, because why should you, right? You vote. That’s enough charity for you. Here’s the rub: You are a danger to others. It would probably just be better if you took a taxi. No, not Uber. You aren’t that cool.

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